i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
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I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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