After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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