can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
now i know why i became what i already was.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
