I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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