Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
