I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
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Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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