So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
