I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
