Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
