I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
