My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
