It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
