Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
