Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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