alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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