You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
