Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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