just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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