remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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