His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
