thus making me awesome and them whores
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
