Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
