i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
