I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you inspire me to be a worse person
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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