I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We left the knife in your bed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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