I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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