I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize