not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
