can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize