I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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