I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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