I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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