worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
