I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
