i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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