true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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