she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
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I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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