Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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