I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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