Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
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I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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