It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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