Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
