Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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