What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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