Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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