How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
