imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
