so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
