Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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