make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
