well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
