I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
