Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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