Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
