:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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