do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
