U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
