Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
