apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
